I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Panties = found
Randomize
