That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
