I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
