Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
