She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
