I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
