And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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