Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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