No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
