what day is it and did you see me today?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Even my vagina gasped.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
