Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You did what with his pubic hair?
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