I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
