you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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