Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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