Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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