ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
