stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
