just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
