Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
