So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
