i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
