I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
