You work out of a Hotel?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
