They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
