There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
