you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
