I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
