still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
