he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
