im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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