Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
