Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
