I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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