barbara walters just said penis...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
