and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
