Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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