Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
