I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
