I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
