i need an iv and a liver transplant
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
