We're like a lot better than the average bears
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
