She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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