The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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