Don't you send me to vm
My liver just broke up with me...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
