Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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