drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
