I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
