Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
