38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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