I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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