Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
