He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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